The Truth About Mindset

...And What It Means To Master Your Emotions

The Truth About Mindset (And What It Means To Master Your Emotions)

Chances are you´ve heard it all before…take control of your thoughts and you can transform your world. You, after all, are the master of your mindset.

Few things in this life are truer than that.

And, yet, if that´s the case, why do so many people – friends, family and clients alike – believe they have so little control over what they think, feel and do?

Let´s take a closer look…

Why Mindset Matters To Begin With

First, it´s important to understand that the ONLY REASON you do anything in your life is to change the way you feel.

This is true for you, for me, for every one of us.

If you want to make more money, lose weight, or buy that new dress – you do it because of how you think it´s going to make you feel.

Perhaps you believe you´ll feel more confident if you can just lose those 10 extra pounds. Or you believe finding that special someone will make you feel loved. You might even believe that by making more money you will finally feel happy.

Far too often, we put off feeling all those positive emotions because we believe there is something outside of ourselves that we need to have in order to experience them.

The real truth is you are capable of feeling those emotions RIGHT NOW!

Mastering Your Mindset

Mastering your mindset (and thus your emotions) is far from complicated. In fact, thanks to experts like Anthony Robbins and other prominent psychologists, it´s actually quite simple.

Here are the 3 keys that determine what you feel from moment to moment. Master these and you will be the master of your mindset, your emotions and, ultimately, your life!

1) Use Your Body

Every emotion you experience is felt in your body, first and foremost. If you want to feel confident, happy or positive, start by moving your body in a way that reflects that emotion.

For more confidence: stand tall, square your shoulders, hold your head with your chin slightly up and put a confident look on your face.

For greater happiness: again, stand tall. Put a huge smile on your face and walk with a bounce in your step.

This also works in reverse, of course…

If you´re hell-bent on feeling depressed, all you have to do is slump down in your chair, look at the ground, breathe shallowly and frown.

Try switching from different physical manifestations of different emotions and really notice how they make you feel.

The way you use your body biochemically truly has the power to change the way you feel.

Mindset Trigger: Motion fuels emotion.

2) Shift Your Focus

Focus plays a huge role in determining how you feel. To feel happy, focus on the things in your life that make you happiest. Ask yourself:

  • What am I happy about in my life?
  • What about that makes me happy?
  • How does that make me feel?

This is an exercise you can do with any emotion you´d like to feel more of. Just replace „happy“ with confident, grateful, positive, excited – you name it!

Mindset Trigger: You feel what you focus on.

Once again, this principle works in reverse…

Feeling sad, depressed or negative comes down to what you focus on in life. Ignoring the good and focusing on what´s terrible in the moment will leave you feeling anything but positive and optimistic.

If you asked yourself, What really sucks in my life right now?, I’m pretty sure you´d find a thing or two, and the way you feel would take a nosedive. Dwelling on the bad times is a recipe for disaster…

Remember ~ What´s wrong is always available, so shift your focus to what´s right in your life instead.

3) Alter Your Words

The words you use when talking to yourself and others also have the power to impact the way you feel. Saying things like, This is too hard or I feel exhausted can lead you too feeling discouraged and tired.

Here´s where you want become aware of what that little voice in the back of your mind is saying as well. Most of us have a very vocal inner critic and, if we´re not careful, we can fall into the trap of believing all the negative BS (belief systems) it keeps repeating.

Every word we use – consciously or subconsiously – has an emotional state associated with it. Some are empowering and some, quite the opposite!

Being aware of the words, statements, phrases, and metaphors you use is critical when it comes to mastering your mindset and controling your emotions.

Ultimately, you have the power to feel any emotion simply by DECIDING to feel it.

Mindset Trigger: Happiness is a choice. Confidence is a choice. Positivity is a choice...so are negativity, frustration, depression, and anger.

No one makes you feel happy or sad, loved or lonely. Your feelings are based on how you interpret a situation and the meaning you give it.

Dealing With Negative Emotion

Do you know what the 3 most common ways for dealing with negative emotions are? If not, I want to share them with you here.

Think back to a time you were feeling negative and see if these are true for you…

Avoidance

This is basically when you make a point of avoiding any situation that might possibly result in your feeling a negative emotion. You avoid taking risks, doing things where you can´t be sure of the outcome or dealing with people you don´t know because you´re trying to avoid feeling rejection, failure or disapproval.

Other ways you might avoid negative emotions include using drugs, alcohol or food to prevent feeling bad. Watching TV a lot, playing computer games or spending all your time on social media are other ways we try to escape having to feel negative emotions.

Denial

This is when you do your best to distance yourself from a negative emotion by rationalizing that things just „aren´t that bad“.

The problem here is that ignoring the message doesn´t make it disappear. Generally, bad feeling intensifies to the point where it forces you to pay attention.

Competition & Comparison

This is when the negative emotion becomes a part of your identity and the way you distinquish yourself from others. Quite often, this is something you are continually telling others, i.e Think you’ve got it bad? Wait until you hear my story…

How To Use Negative Emotions To Your Advantage

Since none of us can escape negative emotions altogether, the next best thing is to figure out what they might be trying to tell you

…and learn from them.

The first step here is to understand that all emotions serve you on some level. So, one way to think of your negative emotions is as a call to action.

In his book, Awaken The Giant Within, Tony Robbins calls them action signals. And, since I like that, I´m going to use that expression here as well because seeing your negative emotions as „action signals“ allows them to take on a whole new identity. Suddenly they become your mentor, your ally, your coach. They are there to guide you.

The emotions you are feeling right now are a gift, a guideline, a support system, or as Tony Robbins says, a call to action.

Understand that „action signals“ are there to let you know what is no longer working.

Essentially, negative emotions come from the way you:

1) do things, i.e. communication, behavior or procedures, or

2) perceive a situation

And your perceptions are controlled by your focus and the meaning you give to things. You can easily change your perception by changing your physiology or asking a better question to help you shift your focus – and thus change the way you feel.

Mindset Trigger: YOU are the source of all your emotions, you are the one who creates them.

Believe it or not, you have complete control over the way you feel from moment to moment. You don´t need a special reason to feel happy - simply DECIDE to feel that way, right now. Decide to feel happy because you are alive and because you want to!

ACTION SIGNALS & What They Are Trying To Tell You

As we discussed above, negative emotions or – action signals, as Tony Robbins calls them – are there for a reason. Identify that reason, discover what it´s trying to tell you and you can turn that negative emotion to your advantage.

Discomfort

Also known as boredom, impatience, unease, distress or mild embarrassment, discomfort doesn´t have to be a bad thing.

Discomfort is actually your subconscious mind´s way of telling you that you can do and be more by either changing your actions or your perception of the situation.

How To Turn Discomfort To Your Advantage

  • Use the 3 keys to mastering your emotions that we discussed earlier
  • Get clear on exactly what it is you want
  • Do things differently. Approach them from a different angle and see how that alters the quality of results you get and the way you feel about the situation.

Fear

Also known as low-level concern, intense worry, anxiety, fright or terror, fear´s message has to do with preparation.

Whatever the upcoming situation is, you need to be prepared for it. And the good news is fear gives you the energy boost you need to do the preparation work that´s called for.

How To Turn Fear To Your Advantage

  • Evaluate what´s making you feel fearful. What will you need to do to prepare yourself mentally for the upcoming challenge? Come up with a list of actions you will need to take in order to effectively deal with the situation.
  • Once you´ve done that, have faith. Know that you´ve done all you could to prepare and understand that very few of the things we fear ever actually happen.

Hurt

Hurt often appears as a loss of intimacy or trust. It can also appear when expectations we have about someone or something are not being met. The message hurt is trying to convey is that you have a big heart. And that you care about your life and the people in it.

How To Turn Hurt To Your Advantage

  • Take a moment to really think about the situation. In reality, you may have not lost anything at all. Perhaps what you need to let go of is the false perception that this person is trying to hurt you in some way.
  • Re-evaluate the situation. Could you be judging the situation too quickly or too harshly?
  • Gently communicate your feeling of loss to the person involved. For example: The other day when xxxx happened, I thought it meant you didn´t care and I was feeling really hurt. Now I´m wondering if I misunderstood the situation. Could you help me understand what really happened?

Anger

Also known as irritation, resentment and rage, anger indicates that someone – maybe even you! – has violated an important rule or standard you live by. The good news is anger also gives you the passion and fire you need to make things right.

How To Turn Anger To Your Advantage

  • Re-evaluate the situation and be willing to accept that you may have misinterpreted it. Perhaps the person in question didn´t realize they were breaking your rules or how important those rules are to you.
  • Understand, too, that even if someone violates your rules or your standards, it doesn´t necessarily mean those rules or standards are valid.
  • Focus on asking yourself empowering questions like: Do I really care what this person thinks? Do they really care about me? What can I learn from this? How can I help them understand how important the rules and standards I hold for myself are to me, so that they want to help and support me in the future?

Frustration

Frustration is actually a very valuable emotion. It´s telling you your brain believes you could be doing better than you are. And while the solution you´re after may be just around the corner, what you are doing at the moment is not working. It´s time to be more flexible in your approach. It´s time to try doing things differently.

How To Turn Frustration To Your Advantage

  • See frustration as a friend. Brainstorm other things you can do to get the result you are after.
  • Seek out a role model – someone who has what you want and can give you input on the best way to get there, too.
  • Pinpoint what you can learn that will not only help you overcome the current challenges you are facing, but those that are waiting up ahead.

Disappointment

Also known as sadness, defeat or the feeling of being let down, disappointment is sending you the message to re-evaluate your expectations.

When the things we expect to be or go a certain way, don´t…

It may be time to change our expectations to better fit the situation. The way to do this is to set a new goal and take action towards achieving it. This is not a bad thing and it doesn´t mean you are giving up. What it does show is your dedication to moving forward – despite the obstacles and challenges that may get in your way.

How To Turn Disappointment To Your Advantage

  • Figure out what you can learn from this situation and how you can use that to keep you focused and moving towards the thing you wanted in the first place.
  • Set a new, even more inspiring goal and take immediate action on it.
  • Avoid judging the situation too soon. Most challenges are not final. After all, God´s delays are not necessarily God´s denials, right? It could be there is some lag time between your actions and your results.
  • Work on developing more patience. Cultivate an attitude of positive expectancy about what will happen in the future – regardless of what has happened in the past. If necessary, re-evaluate what you want and put together a more effective plan to get you there.

Guilt

Also known as regret or remorse, guilt is trying to tell you you´ve done something to violate one of your highest standards. And now you need to take steps to ensure you do not do it again. Think of guilt like an internal compass that helps make sure you do what you believe is right.

How To Turn Guilt To Your Advantage

  • Understand which of your most important standards you have violated.
  • Make a commitment to yourself that you will not indulge in this behavior again.
  • Get clear on how you can handle the situation the next time it arises. How can you deal with it in a way that is consistent with your own personal standards? Use guilt for holding yourself accountable to your highest standards and personal integrity.

Feelings of Inadequacy

Also known as a feeling of unworthiness, particularly in instances when we feel we can´t do what we believe we should be able to do.

In truth though, all that a feeling of inadequacy is trying to tell you is that the skills you have are not up to the task at hand. You need more information, a better strategy, the right tools, and/or more confidence. Feeling inadequate from time to time is good because this is the driving force that moves us to learn, grow and contribute to others.

How To Turn Feeling Inadequate To Your Advantage

  • Reflect and ask yourself: Does feeling inadequate make sense here? Am I really inadequate or do I need to change how I am looking at this? Once you know the answers to these questions, it´s time to find a more effective way of doing what you are trying to do.
  • Embrace this gentle encouragement to improve. It´s not about being perfect. The easiest and fastest way to begin feeling adequate in any situation is to continually work on improving how you do what you do.
  • Seek out a role model and get coaching on the skills you need to improve on.

Overwhelm

Also known as grief, depression and helplessness, the feeling of overwhelm is trying to tell you it´s time to re-evaluate what´s most important to you in a specific situation.

Perhaps you are trying to do too many things at once or maybe you feel like you need to change overnight.

Grief and helplessness are often rooted in a feeling that life has no empowering meaning. Or you may be feeling your life is being impacted by people, events or forces outside your control.

How To Turn Overwhelm To Your Advantage

  • Decide the #1 thing you need to focus on.
  • Make a list of all the other important things and order them according to priority. Put your #1 thing at the top!
  • Start with #1 on your list and take continual action on it until you have it mastered.
  • Start focusing on what you CAN control.
  • Accept that you decide on the meaning you give the people, things and events in your life. Choose to give them empowering meanings.

Feelings of Loneliness

Also known as feeling alone, apart or separate, loneliness is trying to tell you it´s time to connect (or re-connect) with others.

How To Turn Feelings of Loneliness To Your Advantage

  • Recognize that there are caring people everywhere – all you need to do is reach out and connect. And you can do that within minutes.
  • Identify the kind of connection you need.
  • Embrace the true meaning of loneliness: that you really care about people and love to be with them. You just need to decide on the kind of connection you need right now and take action on making it happen.
  • Reach out & connect.

The emotions you feel have a lot to do with the quality of life you live. And every emotion has something to offer – a message, if you will.

If you want to feel more of the positive emotions in your life like happiness, excitement, confidence and exhilaration, then you need to be listening to the messages your negative emotions are sending you.

I won´t lie to you, it does take practice. But you DO have the power to control your mindset and the emotions you feel. I´ve shown you how to do it here.